Today’s rumours have the meat sweats

Judging from the way he greets players and opposing managers, Brendan Rodgers has a curious tendency to touch people’s faces when talking to them – giving them a stroke, a pat, even a pinch – and the Mill can’t help wondering whether someone is ever going to react by decking the Liverpool manager. We know he means well and it’s supposed to be affectionate but, by Luis, it’s got to be annoying. However, the Mill suspects if Rodgers meets Spartak Moscow’s Brazilian midfielder, Romulo, then his first instinct will not be to paw the player’s face.

Rather, it will be to pause, then carefully contemplate’s the 23-year-old and try to figure out which Anfield legend it is that he bears a passing resemblance to. And then the answer will come to him, suddenly and at an awkward height, like a back pass from Martin Skrtel: the signing Liverpool are counting on to repair their midfield looks like Phil Babb! Ta-dah!

Meanwhile, the Mill has yet to find any photographic evidence that Auxerre’s 21-year-old midfielder Paul Georges Ntep looks a little like, say, Torben Piechnik, but Liverpool are being linked with him nonetheless. As are Arsenal, although Ntep doesn’t resemble Igor Stepanovs either.

You’re tired off this riff already, aren’t you?

OK then, let’s talk about West Ham’s search for a new striker. Oh, you’re tired off that riff too? Fair enough, the Mill sympathises. But we’ve still got to tell you that Sam Allardyce reckons he can attract Roma’s Marco Borriello, who has one Serie A goal to his name this season and that’s plenty good enough for West Ham. Allardyce also fancies a piece of Raul Meireles, who, come to think of it, looks a lot like the former Liverpool midfielder, Rau … oh, right. Other possible midfield reinforcements examined by Allardyce include Milan’s Antonio Nocerino and Osasuna’s Raoul Loe?, who’s also pursued by Crystal Palace. West Ham also made an optimistic attempt to hijack Michael Essien‘s move from Chelsea to Milan, with inevitable consequences.

Ole Gunnar Solksjaer is going to use his Old Trafford contacts to finagle Wilfried Zaha away to Cardiff on loan and Fábio da Silva on a permanent basis. Juventus, meanwhile, will liberate Nani. And United will then resume buying again themselves, because Juan Mata was not the ony purchase they intend making: after all, who is going to get the ball to Mata, Rooney, Januzaj and Van Persie? Yohan Cabaye, apparently, because United could get him after all now that Paris Saint-Germain have decied against signing the Frenchman on the advice of none other than Thiago Silva and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, both of whom are reported to have indicated to the club’s owner that Cabaye is no better than the midfielders they already have.

As for Monaco, despite the season-wrecking injury to Radamel Falcao, they may still sell striker Lacina Traoré to Everton. That’s no consolation to Falcao, however, nor to Soner Ertek, the Chasselay player whose tackle led to the striker’s injury and who has since been bombaded by abuse and death threats from furious Colombia fans.

Finally, Papiss Demba Cissé is set to remain a Newcastle player. And that may not be what Alan Pardew wanted to hear, as he had quite hope the Senegalese would agree to join Borussia Mönchengladbach so Newcastle could take Luuk De Jong instead.

• Transfer window

Paul Doyle

theguardian.com